~*You are so brave !

Hi there bonbons ! I've been busy the last couple of days and haven't found the time to write a decent blog post. I'm so sorry for that ! *hiding face in my hands*

Yesterday (Wednesday) I went to this "Style Advice course" again. It was really funny ! Another girl joined us today also. (She has told me that I'm very brave for looking like I do. It's kind of flattering since I just see my style and my looks as ordinary. In my eyes I don't look different. I look like me !) We discussed different styles through the years and stuff like that. One girl told us about her life and how she was taught about how to look and how to act in her home country. It was very interesting to listen to 'cause it was so different from what I've been taught since I was a kid. (Implying that I'm not a kid anymore even though people still think I'm 14.. I'm soon 21 for god's sake !) Anyways. Our course trainer Sofia thought it was a good idea if I talked about how I was taught about how to look and act since I'm so different.  I think it's a fun idea actually, so I'm going to write about how I became the "Jackie" I am today !

First of all, I come from a family where tattoos and colored hair already exists. Nothing new here. My dad was in to the whole Punk-style when he was in my age and my mother.. Well, I actually don't know what style she wears. But it looks nice and suits her ! (She has pierced ears, sometimes purple hair, tattoos, relaxed and at the same time kind of cute and feminine style.) 

As long as I can remember I've always had the chance to affect my look. Choosing what to wear to school and stuff like that. When I was 10 (I think) the fashion among girls in my age was to have some colored highlights in their hair. Mostly neutral (fading) colors. Me and my sister wanted that too. But we got blue ones. Our mother never stopped us from doing our own thing. So I think that was when it all started. (Random input: As a kid I was against everything girly-girly. I hated pink, didn't like horses aso. I was weird already !)

When I turned 13 I colored my whole hair for the first time. It went from blond to red. Not a big deal today, but then it was huge ! I was a slave to the whole fashion thing. I looked in magazines and stores and dreamed about becoming a traveling journalist. (Like a normal 13yo girl, right ?) Mum always told us that we could be whatever we wanted to. My goal was a journalist since I loved (still do) writing and reading. I also dew a lot when I was a kid. It was my talent. To draw. I could spend hours on my grandmothers porch just drawing. People, our neighbors house and random cartoon figures. I found this magazine called "W.I.T.C.H" (I had just stopped reading about Disney princesses.) and the girls in that cartoon was so different and magical. I wanted to look like them, but at the same time not since they looked so weird.


I started" high school" (7:th grade) 2007 (I was 14 then) and right before I did that one of my little sisters was in a car accident. It was a hard time for all of us and it made me grow up a lot faster than I maybe was supposed to. During the summer before high school I bleached my hair almost white and changed my style from "ordinary fit in fashion" to red skinny jeans, an oversized shimmy and a black vest. I started to do my makeup a bit darker and just changed my whole style. (Including skipping my glasses.) It was so
"successful" that not even the boys I had known since kindergarten recognized me the first day. I started to play with makeup and different styles. I found out what a straightener was and I used it on a regular basis. I kept on drawing and I also started to sing a lot more than I had done before. The more "me" I became the more people started to call me weird. I didn't follow the typical "brat" fashion that existed on my school, even though my best friend was the "biggest brat girl" on the school. I wanted to express myself, be myself. My mother supported me through it all. The only things I didn't get to do was any piercings (except my ears, those were okay.) or tattoos.

In 8:th grade I colored my hair from blond, to blond and black, to black and brown withing 4 months. A guy in my class asked me what was next up. Pink ? He didn't think I would do it so he dared me. Before January 2008 ended I was supposed to have pink hair. Said and done. The last day in January I turned up with pink hair to school and shocked them all. My teachers along with the rest of the school thought it was a wig. I kind of found myself that year. I got my first boyfriend, (My best friends big brother who was 2 years older than me and went to the gymnasium. 10:th grade) I got friends with the same interests as me (Drawing Japanese stuff like manga.) and I explored a lot more music. Green Day became my favorite band already in 6:th grade and they were the ones to introduce me to a more different and "brave" style. Kind of punk-is. (The sc. emo-style. Although that's not the right name for that style I learned later. The right term is Scene/Emotional Hardcore/Scene Core aso.) When I met these new people (Just a couple of them actually. There isn't many around here.. Or at least wasn't then.) they introduced me to this whole new world with Japanese music and street fashion. I fell in love instantly with the whole "Lolita" style, (NOT from the book or movie Lolita...) but I couldn't find it anywhere to buy so I just did the whole Scene thing. In 9:th grade I was blond again with rainbowhighlights in my hair and used extensions. I wore fishnet stockings to school with fluffy skirts and ripped shirts. My makeup was always silver and black with some rhinestones in different colors around my eyes. At this time I was also a cheerleader and danced a lot combined with doing musik and drawing/painting. I ended high school with a "bang". I sang my favorite song "A lonely September" on stage with my rainbowhair and a leopard patterned dress and than said good bye to my hometown.

At the age of 16 (2009) I moved to Hässleholm to study fashion since I wanted to do this Japanese Lolita style for real. I didn't know anyone there at all. I ended up in a class with 23 other girls. No one was like me. They all followed this "typical" fashion that was popular then. (Black tights, oversized shirt and a big scarfs. I went to school with my teased pastel pink hair and corset-dresses combined with platform shoes. There was one more like me, an actual Lolita who also sang and played guitar. Unfortunately I didn't get to know her that well since she studied  last year and I first. I colored my hair black during the winter and became a Gothic Lolita. I wore it for some months, then I changed in to Scene again with rainbow clothes, funny colored hair,
false eyelashes, colorful makeups and stuff like that. In the beginning of
my first year there began a new girl in our class. She also wore this "scene/Japanese" inspired style and we became close friends. We played a lot of computer games together online and she later ended up being the bassist in my band. The last year in the gymnasium I became more interested in this whole Lolita style again and I sewed my own graduation-dress with inspiration from the PC game "Alice; Madness Returns" (Alice's classical blue dress) but I did it in a lolita inspired way. I fell in love with the Lolita fashion once again, but it took me almost a whole year to actually start to wear it in public.

Last year (2013) was the whole beginning of my Sweet/Hime Lolita style combined with inspiration from Japanese street fashion. I met a lot of new friends from bigger cities during Sweden Rock Festival.They were interested in the same things, music and fashion as I was, and still am, and they kind of "pushed" me into becoming the girl I wanted to be. To be "brave" enough to go out looking like a doll. I've always been different, but this is a different kind of different. A thing that isn't so usual anywhere except in Japan and Korea. Now I wear the things I feel comfortable in. I were lenses, do this crazy makeups and makes my own dolly clothing in human size. I don't think it's a weird fashion. It's totally normal to me. n_n

 Me and some of my beloved friends ! <3

My family (mum and dad) have always supported me 

when it comes to doing my own thing when everyone else just have shaken their heads and pointed at me.  My relatives find me really strange most of the time, but my grandmother have also (almost) always supported me. Even if she (with my mother) hated when I did my piercings and my tattoo. But they don't say anything now a days 'cause they know I wont change anyways.

I don't really see why people call me brave since I'm just me, I'm raised to do my own thing and be stubborn about it. But thank you anyways ! My best advice to you if you want to change your style but doesn't dare to do it. Change at home first, become comfortable in the style you want and allow yourself to grow with it. Even if it's just a different eyeshadow or a couple of shoes. It's still a step on the way to your final goal.

Feel free to ask questions if I've missed something you want to know! n_n <3

xoxo ~Jackie